SHUTUP AND DANCE!! SERIOUS!!

IN THE IMMORTAL WORDS OF MONTLE MOOROSI,
"I'M A GRIME GUY BUT I CAN GET FUNKY!!"

THIS POST ABOUT JME HAD TO GO UP BECAUSE:

A) HE IS NIGERIAN (AND IN MY HEAD IT'S NIGERIA DAY...I WORE GREEN AND WHITE AND PLAYED ALL THE KUTI FAMILY TREE RECORDS...PLUS STOLE SOME LYRICS FROM AFRIKANBOY)

B) THIS IS A CERTIFIED BANGER...PAST GRIME AND GARAGE...IT'S JUST MURDER!!

C) I HATED ON HIM FOR SO LONG AND NOW AM EATING MY WORDS, HE'S A RAP MONSTER...HE PRODUCES, RAPS, HAS A BIG GUY TSHIRT LINE AND HAS LIKE 2MILLION VIEWS ON MYSPACE...MOSTLY FROM SCANTILY CLAD VIXENS. HE SHOULD BE AWARDED A SMALL PROVINCE!!

THIS TRACK IS BY PLASTICMAN AND JME...NO NOT THAT PLASTICMAN...THE OTHER PLASTICMAN , THE PLASTICIAN, LONDON BADMAN SOUNDBOUY (HE'S GOT A SHOW ON RINSE FM ON ONDAYS 11PM GTM)!! HE'S GOOD SO I DON'T EVEN MIND THAT HE CATTED THE NAME.


JME+PLASTICMAN_SHUTUP AND DANCE

MARKUS HEART BERLIN//SPOEK HATE BERLIN

TO BE BANG HONEST WITH YOU:
FUCK BERLIN. I HATE IT.
IT'S CHEAP...WHICH IS NICE...BUT I FUKKKING HATE IT.

THE REASONS ARE APLENTY. TRUST.
BUT MOSTLY I THINK I RESENT THE HYPE WITH WHICH IT WAS SOLD TO ME. LIBERAL CHEAP HIP CITY FELT AWFULLY STALE AND STIFF...AND DARK. YUK. BUT PEOPLE SAY IT'S BECAUSE OF THE WINTER. FUCK THAT. I REPEAT FUCK THAT. I HAD A SNORE. AND A ROW.

MARKUS ON THE OTHER HAND LOVES IT.

HERE ARE SOME PICTURES OF ONE OF MY WORST NIGHTS IN BERLIN. ENJOY.


OUT OF ALL THINGS BERLIN THOUGH...I DO LOVE ME SOME JAKE THE RAPPER!! THE BEST MAN IN THE WORLD!!!


AND SOME SICK GIRLS

TOO BLACK TOO STRONG ( OR NONE OF THE ABOVE)

OH GOD.
IT'S A FUNNY SEASON.
I AM IN FRANCE FOR THE NEXT MONTH WITH MY FRIEND SIBOT, EATING TOO MUCH CANDY AND MAKING AN ASS OF MYSELF SPEAKING BROKEN ZULU-ENGLISH-PIGLATIN-FRENCH.

I CAME BACK TO SOUTH AFRIKA FOR ONE SHOW...AND THE FUNNIEST THING HAPPENED.
I AM AS MISUNDERSTOOD OUT HERE AS I AM OVER THERE. I AM EVER INCOMPITENT.
I AM MISTUNDERSTOOD TO COMIC PROPORTIONS NOW.

MY CONVERSATION YESTERDAY WITH JOHANNESBURG SOTHO KID WHERE I COME OFF AS ULTRA BAFOON GOES:

"HOLA NTHATO"
"HOLA BOSS"
"WAT SE?"
"NO, KIBLIND...WENA, USHARPU?"
"JA, KISHARPU, WENA? UBLINDI?"
"INGI?!?!?!"
"KIRI UBLINDI, NA?"
"HHE NTHATO, WENA UDOMU...KIMANG OBUWANG' JWALO?!? UNAKGANA KISIBOT, NE??"

IN THE SPIRIT OF TRYING TO MAKE MYSELF MORE SOUTH AFRICAN AND NOT SUCH A WESTWORLD BRAINWASHED HOMELESS CULTURELESS CULTURE FREAK, I HAVE BEEN FORCING MYSELF INTO KISSING MORE KWAITO...WELL NOT KISSING IT, BECAUSE I'VE GROWN UP ON IT STANDARD, BUT EMBRACING THE ILL BITS THAT MUCH MORE.

DURBANITE KWAITO BURN!! THIS IS SOMEWHAT OF A RECENT PHENOMINON I GATHER...NO LONGER ARE KWAITO DUDES STRICTLY SOWETO OR THEMBISA DUDES...THE PROVINCES ARE BRINGING FIRE AND DURBAN IS FIRST INNA RACE!!

MY FIRST CHOICE IS LVOVO DERANGO...THIS FAT MAN IS STRAIGHT MURDER 'PON LYRIC AND HAS A SUPERSTAR LIVE SHOW AS WELL...STRAIGHT NECKLIN!! I DIG HIM BECAUSE HE'S APPROACHING KWAITO LIKE A RAPPER...HE'S MAD FUNNY, AND HIS VERSES DEVELOP...BUT NEVER TOO COMPLEX...THE KID IS NICE!!!



WOZA EDURBAN...WHICH TRANSLATES DIRECTLY TO, "COME TO DURBAN!!"

JAAGS

FIRST I KISS DECIDA FOR PUTTING ME ON! I PRESENT TO YOU FRITZ HELDER & THE PHANTOMS.

DISCOBALL FACES. WOW. WOW. GASP.

IN PITCH PERFECT DISCOBOT FASHION...MY MANMACHINE DRESSED IN EXTRAVAGANT PURPLE VELVETS NARRATES "PULL UP IN A RIDE WHERE THE PEOPLE ARE WAITING, BYPASS THE LINE AND EVERYONE IS HATE-TING!!!"

HAHAHAHAHAHA...OOOOH. BITCHY. SO BITCHY. SHEER. QUEER. BRILLIANT.

Fritz Helder & the Phantoms - Making A Scene


I USUALLY WON'T TOLERATE PRINCESS SUPERSTAR...BUT THIS KILLED ME ON DANCEFLOORS CONSISTENTLY FOR THE LAST BUNCH OF MONTHS...HAD ME LITERALLY SCREAMING LIKE A LIKKLE BITCH WHEN IT CAME ON!!

ROYAL RUMBLE 2: CEREBRAL VORTEX

INSANE SWAGGER!! CRAZY SWAGGER! CEREBRAL VORTEX APPROCHES THE RING WITH GARGANTUAN SWAGGER! THE OTHER GUYS THINK A COUPLE RHYMES ABOUT THEIR THROWBACK BIKE COLLECTIONS AND SNEAKERS WILL CUT IT. UNFORTUNATELY THEY WILL NOT. THAT'S WHAT'S MURDERING ME ABOUT DUDE...HE'S SO THOROUGH, GOT CONTENT FOR DAAAAAAAAAAAYS!!



GTO(CEREBRAL VORTEX+DJ RAZIEK)
DEEP FRIED(CEREBRAL VORTEX+DJ RAZIEK)

DOING IT(CEREBRAL VORTEX+DRE DEY)

THIS ONE'S KINDA EASY BAIT! THIS DUDE IS KINGING SCHITT IN TWO THOUSAND AND HATE!! I HATE MOST RAPPERS CAUSE THEIR BETTER THAN ME...AND TEND TO FALL FOR ODD BALLS...BUT HERE'S A RAPPER WHO IS MILES BETTER AND I HAVE A REAL JONZIN TO HEAR!!

HE'S KILLING ON ALL SORTS OF LEVELS AS PART OF 215 THE FRESTHEST KID$ (215TFK); HIS MIXTAPE PROJECT WITH RAZIEK...AND THE MAD SCHITT HE'S ABOUT TO DROP WITH DRE DEY!!

{{{EXCLUSIVE NEWS:: I'VE BEEN DOING SOME TUNES WITH HIM THAT'LL SEE DAYLIGHT MAD SOON...CRAZY TAG TEAM STYLE}}}



HE'S A GREESEY LYRICIST, HAS HIS MYSPACE PIMPIN GAME RIGHT (where's mine??), ROCKS A FURRY FEDORA; NEVER WIPES HIS FEET ON ANYTHING LESS THAN A MINK RUG; EATS KICKS; AND IS SPITTING MURDER RIGHT NOW!!!

ZURICH: WHERE THE CASH AT??

LALA PICKED US FROM THE AIRPORT.
LALA THREW THE PARTY.
LALA IS A DANCER. A PROMOTER.
LALA IS A MARVEL OF MODERN TECHNOLOGY.
HER PARTY IS CALLED SUPERPUNK'D
HER DANCE CREW IS CALLED WHERE THE CASH AT.

crew members:

lisa aka lovely dollar hoe
germaine aka broke ass hustler
dion aka 50 dirty bucks
jessy aka jhenne$$y
lhaga aka pretty cash money
yeshe aka half price beauty


GRIMEY VOGUEING WITH A BEARD ON

ZURICH SHOW WENT OFF...WAS REALLY MANIC KINDA SHOW...ERM. WHISKEY!!



IN THE SPIRIT OF GOSSIPING BITCHES...WHAT HAS POKED ITS HEAD UP AS A CONSTANT THEME IN OUR EURO TRAVELS ARE THE HEAPS OF RUMOURS OF WHAT THE ED BANGER CREW JUST DID {ALWAYS A COUPLE OF DAYS BEFORE WE WERE THERE}...RANDOM PIECES OF INFO LIKE UFFIE DRUNKEDLY MAKING OUT WITH A JANITOR IN MILAN, MEHDI CHEATING ON HIS WIFE IN SWEDEN, OR FEEDZ LEAVING UFFIE FOR A 17 YEAR OLD IN COPPENHAGEN.

WE NEEDED TO SEE WHAT THE FUSS WAS ABOUT...AND OFF TO THE CLUB FOR THE FEEDZ+UFFIE SHOWWE WENT!


MARKUS TRIED TO GRAB UP ON UFFIE'S BOOBERY.

SGONONDO'S LAIR

JIKA MAJIKA...SOUTH AFRIKAN TV GEM!! THE DOPEST DANCE CONTEST THAT'S BEEN AIRING FOR A COUPLE YEARS NOW...AND SO THE STYLES ON THE SHOW ARE ALWAYS THE NEWEST THINGS POPPING ON ROAD...NO BULLSHIT CHOREOGRAPHY FILTERS. MY FAVOURITE JOINTS ARE THE NOVELTY EPISODES...LIKE GRANNIES BATTLING OR LIKKLE KID PANTSULAS GETTING BUSY!



THE GUY WITH THE MASK IS SGONONDO...HE'S BEEN KILLING THE KWAITO SCENE FOR THE LAST YEAR OR SO...I FIND HIM VERY SCARY...LIKE RAELLY FREAKY CREEPY SCARY...SUPPOSEDLY HE RAN AWAY FROM PRISON...YOU SHOULD HEAR HIS VOICE...URGH...UNBEARABLE...FOR SOME REASON I FEEL BETTER AND SOMEWHAT SAFFER KNOWING HE CAN DANCE LIKE THAT!!

ROYAL RUMBLE 1: GAMEBOY/GAMEGIRL

IF YOU DON'T KNOW ALREADY...PRETEND: GAMEBOY/GAMEGIRL

I HATE TO ADMIT IT BUT THEY MAKE MY NATURE RISE...
IN A WAY AUSTRALIANS SHOULDN'T EVER!!

IF THIS WAS THE ROYAL RUMBLE...MARKUS AND I WOULD BE WARN OUT FROM PRE-SHOW BRAWLING ...THE LIGHTS WOULD DIM...THE SPARKLEY SPARKLES WOULD SPARKLE...AND WITH A WIERD AUSTRALIAN TWANG, EVERYONE WOULD HEAR, "HEEEEY, WHAT'S HAPPENING??!?!"...AND EVERYONE IN THE ARENA WOULD BE FUCKED DUE TO THAT MIAMI HORROR BEAT THAT YOU CAN'T HELP BUT PUMP YOUR BACK TO.

I FIRST HEARD THEM IN A SHITTY BEATEN UP FORD IN DURBAN...RUSHING TO A SHOW. MALCOLM WAS CUSSING US OUT FOR "BEING TOO COOL TO LISTEN TO ANYTHING ELSE"...MALCOM WAS BEING A DICK...WE LOOOOOOOOOOOVE IT. THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES, MALCOLM.

THIS IS THEIR NEW VIDEO:



GET THEIR DEBUT EP GOLDEN GHETTO SEX NOW {{OOH LA LA...IT FEATURES OUR FAVOURITE MUPPETS THE ZOMBIE DISCO SQUAD...I REPEAT, OOH LALA}}!!!

LICK HER NECK PT 2

COPPENHAGEN'S GOT SOMETHING IN THE WATER...WE CAME ACROSS THIS CREW OF 13 YR OLD BADMAN DJS...NOIA KREW!! THEY PLAYED A REALLY TIGHT SET...NOT EVEN IN A SHIT CONDESCENDING, "WOW THEY SO YOUNG WAY" BUT I THINK THEY REALLY SMASHED ALOT OF THE DJS THAT NIGHT!! SOME REALLY TALENTED YOOOOTS!! WATCH OUT...THEY CAME TO STEAL YOUR GIRL!!

BACK IN AFRIKA

WELL THE TOUR'S DONE. WE ARE BACK HOME.
I CAN'T SAY I'M COMPLETELY UNHAPPY THAT IT'S OVER.
I TOOK QUITE A KHARMIC ASS WHOOPIN!!



JUST READ THIS FROM THE BLOG WWW.ETHNIKON.COM

"Sweat.X is a black/white (gasp) duo that puts hip hop rhymes over techno/house/IDM/B-more gutter/electro beats. They’re reminiscent of Spank Rock, but in my opinion, they push the envelope a little further. Also, the fact that South Africa has a history of explicit racial tension makes this pairing all the more interesting to me (for reasons that aren’t entirely clear yet)"

SNAKES ON THE FLOOR

NEVER BEEN BIG AT BURAKA...BUT THIS VIDEO IS A SPACE SKENG...TSEEEEOO TSEEEUOO!!

OH MY DAYLIGHT. LOOK AT THE DANCING AT THE BEGINING.
FUN. EVERYONE WANTS TO WALK LIKE A LIZZARD! DO IT!!

I KINDA HATE WHAT M/I/A IS DOING ON THIS TRACK...I IN NO WAY WANNA SEEM LIKE I AM ENDORSING THAT BULLSHIT...THERE SHOULD BE A NO BULLSHIT EDIT



JIVE!! JIVE!! JIVE!! ANGOLA'S ON THIS...SO MUCH JIVE!
WHEN THIS JOINT KICKS IN PROPER, YOU'LL KNOW...MAKES ME WANNA TWALATSA IN THE BUFF.
Normal Nada ft Costuleta - Essa que me mata

LICK HER NECK PT1

COPPENHAGEN IS THE SHIT!! SO MUCH SO THAT IT WARRANTS ITS OWN STREAM OF POSTS. APPROPRIATELY TITLED, "LICK HER NECK".

SPECIAL KISSES TO THE ART REBELS CREW AND FAGGET FAIRYS

TO TATTED UP LESBIANS, GENERALLY AMAZING LESBIANS THAT MAKE ME WISH I WAS A LESBIAN, WHO THE FUCK COUGHED ON THE COOKIES, EENA'S FOTO FACE, 14 YR OLD BAD ASS DJ CREWS, GIANT AFROED GUYS IN BOWTIES, HOT BUT MARRIED VENENZUALAN BALLERINAS, POP LOCKING DANNISH HOES (COPPENHAGEN CITY POPPERS STAND UP!!)

FUCKING BERLIN!!

WOW.
LOOK.
IT'S NOT OVER.
THE TOUR'S NOT ACTUALLY OVER...STILL DOING IT. DOGGYSTYLE.
MIAMI VICE STYLE. SPOEK IS IN HIDING. BUT WILL COME OUT OF HIS
DEEP COVER...OR RATHER MY DEEP COVER ON SATURDAY FOR THE BERLIN SHOW!!
SWEAT.X.
JAKE THE RAPPER.
PARTYSHANK.
WAST IT GRRLLZ

ROYAL RUMBLE

WELCOME, WELCOME TO THE TERRORDOME...I'VE PRETTY MUCH SPENT TOO MUCH SHADE TALKING ABOUT US...NOW I WILL MOVE ONTO THE CONTENDERS...THE ONES (ALONGSIDE US) WHO HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE GREAT!!

HOPEFULLY IT'LL BE A NEVER ENDING LIST OF PEOPLE WHO GET HIGH RATINGS AND NOT JUST REAMS OF VENEZUALAN AMATEUR BAILE MCS...THAT GAVE HANDJOBS OR BUS TICKETS. LASTLY AND POSSIBLY MOST IMPORTANTLY I ASSURE YOU IT WILL NEVER FEATURE ANYONE HOLDING A SAXOPHONE.

KISSES.

PS. SORRY...TOUR FATIGUE AND TOO MANY TROUBLES TO BLOG HAD ME ABSENT...UPDATES...COME...I WILL BACKTRACK ON A BITCH IF I GOTTA!!

GOING DUTCH...I WON'T PAY!

THIS WEEKEND WE'RE PLAYING HOLLAND!

WHILE MARKUS GOES BACK TO HIS MOTHERLAND I WILL BE DUCKING HOOKERS, DUCKING DUCKS, DUCKING GETTING SEARCHED, DUCKING GETTING HIGH,
...MOSTLY JITTING IN WOODEN SHOES

HOLLANDERS PAKAMISA!!

SHAKE AND POP!!

PICS FROM THE PARIS SOCIAL CLUB PARTY...SHAKE AND POP...WITH THE BOOTYCALL CREW, ZOMBIE DISCO SQUAD, THE CARPS AND THE COOL KIDS
courtesy of paris social club...and sexxxy photographer

"TECHNO IS FOR PEOPLE BORN FROM THE ASSHOLE"

GOD. DID MY FAIR BIT OF DUCK AND DIVE THIS WEEKEND.
TRIED TO BE TOUR HERO NOW I'M BANG SICK...HOLED UP IN BERLIN HIGH RISE.
LYON WAS BIG. PARIS WAS BIGGER. LONDON TOWN GOT THICK OVER TWO DAYS. GOT WET.


EVENTFUL DAYS IN BERLIN.
EXTREME COOCH POTATO STYLE, STREAMING JUICE AT HYPER LOW
QUALITY MAKING OMAR EPPS AND TUPAC LOOK TRES PIXEL ART,
WATCHING SITCOMS..COUGHING AND REFUSING TO LEAVE THE APARTMENT.
UNLESS I HAVE TO.

DETROIT GRAND PUBAHS HAVE BEEN KEEPING ME COMPANY
CHECK THIS DJ JOAKIM "SLAP IT ON REMIX" OF BIG ONION


LAST NIGHT I WENT OUT...DESPITE MY CHRONIC FATIGUE AND
LEAKING FACE PIECE...AND THE PARACETAMOL, WHICH SPECIFICALLY
DEMANDED I DON'T DRINK ANY BEER OR RISK MILD CANCER.

I MADE A DATE WITH DANIEL HAAKSMAN OF MAN RECORDINGS...
HE'S BANG COOL...AND PUT ME ONTO SOME MUSIC HE'S RELEASING...STUFF LIKE:
EDU K

MC GRINGO (WHO IS GERMAN LIVING IN RIO)


WE TO SEE JESSE ROSE PLAY (WHO I HAD ONLY VAGUELY HEARD OF BEFORE BUT WAS ASSURED BY THE INTERNATION DJ DATABASE RANKS 6888 IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE...AND IS A LEGEND IN HIS OWN RIGHT)...IT WAS A BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A HOLE IN THE WALL LITTLE DINGESPOT ACROSS THE ROAD FROM MY BERLIN HIGHRISE HOUSING PROJECT.

HERE'S A SO-SO REMIX HE DID OF VONSTROKE;S 'WHISTLER' TUNE


AND HERE ARE SOME AUSTRALIANS DANCING TO HIM DJ


MET ONE OF THE GRECO ROMAN DUDES FROM LONDON (WHO I HAD PREVIOUSLY WRESTLED WITH IN AN IPOD BATTLE IN PARIS)...
CHECK THE GRECO ROMAN MYSPACE
BIGGLE. THEY ABOUT TO RELEASE A SEXY SCOT CALLED DRUMS OF DEAT...MORE ON THAT IN A BIT.

CREEP FACTOR

GREEN VELVET - STALKER

MILANO: MEAT 'PON YOUR GALY'S FACE!!

AND THERE I AM WRESTLING MIC WITH THE DRUNK AND DISORDERLY
GALS IN MILANO... WHICH TURNED INTO GETTING STALKED UP AND MANNED
IN THE BACKSTAGE... A LIGHT CATFIGHT OVER A MILD RACIAL SLUR...
AND AT LEAST ONE BREAST FALLING OUT OF THE TOP.

LIPSTICK ON TEETH IS NOT A GOOD LOOKY.

MILAN WAS DANGER. FIERCE.

187 ON THAT ASS

SHOUTS TO EVERYONE WHO TURNED MILAN ON ITS ASS LAST WEEKEND...DON'T FUCK ABOUT WAS TICK!! MADNESS (BOOB HANGIN OUT, SHAKER BANGIN, LIPSTICK SMUDGING MADNESS)!!

THIS WEEKENDS BIG!
WE'RE DOING LYON THEN PARIS THEN LONDON TOWN!!

LYON WITH THE JARRING EFFECTS CREW



PARIS WITH ZOMBIE DISCO SQUAD OUTTA LONDON, CHI-TOWN BADDUDES COOL KIDS AND THOSE CANADIAN ZOUKIN' PUNKS THE CARPS!! AND OF COURSE WE'LL BE DOING THE NASTY. BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG!!!!







ps.
OUR LOVE IS A 187