ED BANGER PARTY PARIS

OOOH...I ALMOST FORGOT ON OF THE FUNNEST NIGHTS I HAD IN A LONG ASS TIME!! MARVY THE PIMP (THE HOMEY IN PARIS WHO GOT MARKUS AND I TO PLAY AT PARIS SOCIAL CLUB FOR SHAKE AND POP 1) LET ME BE HIS PIMP APPRENTICE IN PARIS LAST WEEK...AFTER A STRETCH OF STRESS OF THE PARTY BEING ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO GET INTO...HE GOT US ON THE BOAT. IT TURNED OUT TO BE A WILD ASS PARTY!! MET THE WHOLE ED BANGER CREW...ATRACK KILLED IT...BUSY P KNEW ME FROM THE SCHITT I DID WITH THE KID DJEDJOTRONIC...AND MARVY IS A SAINT...THE SAINT OF PIMPIN'!! DAHA DAHA!!

ROYAL RUMBLE 5: AFRIKAN BOY

AFRIKAN BOY - LIDL

TRYING TO FIGHT A NIGERIAN FAIR IS LIKE BRINGING A POCKET KNIFE TO A PANGA FIGHT, YOU WILL LOSE. THEY HIT HARD, BITE AND WILL SELL YOUR LIVER ON EBAY WHEN THE FIGHT IS DONE. THIS KID IS ESPECIALLY VISCIOUS WITH THE SWAGGER...EVERYONE IN THE RING IS MY PERSONAL FAVOURITE...BUT THIS DUDE HAS THE EXTRA SPECIAL SPOT BECAUSE HE'S PUSHING THAT NAIJA STYLE SO DAMN STRONG!!



PLUS THE KID HAS LYRICS AND ENOUGH SWAGGER...FUCK THAT MORE THAN ENOUGH...HE'S THE FULL PACKAGE I THINK!! I HOPE AND PRAY HE MAKES THE CLASSIC ALBUMS...PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE OH PLEASE.I HOPE HE CAN DO IT! HE'S SMART, I KNOW HE CAN



LIVE



OLD VIDEO OF THE KID ON A 3STYLE TING!! OLU OLU OLU 'PON ROAD LIKE CHEWING GUM.



SOME MORE NAIJA STYLINGS FROM THE JUJUMAN

WIFED

THUG HUGS AND FIST KISSES

THE KID IS IN SWEDEN

EVERYTHING IS GOING SO FUCKING COOL...JUST SMASHED THE PLAYDOE TOUR WITH SCI FI AND I AM NOW JUST EATING CHILLI COATED NUTS IN BED...FIGHTING WITH A FAT CAT NAMED MIKE TYSON FOR A GIRL'S AFFECTION.

LIFE IS GOOD.



I WENT TO SEE MAPEI AND BUNNY RABBIT AT A LESBIAN PARTY IN UPSALLA ON SATURDAY...ALOT OF DRAWN ON MOUSTACHES AND SPIKEY CREW CUTS...FOR THE MOST PARTS IT WAS ALL OF MY NASTIEST FANTASIES GONE WRONG...LESBIANS MAKE FOR LAME RAVERS. NOT NEARLY WILD ENOUGH. SO HALF HEARTED. BECAUSE I'M CHEAP AND TACKY I'LL COMPARE IT TO THE GAY RAVER CREWS I KNOW THAT I KNOW...THE LESBOS NEED TO FUCKING MAN UP!! THEY ACT LIKE WHITE MEN...GAYS OUT THERE ACTING LIKE HYPER BLACK WOMEN...WHO PARTIES BETTER???

BUNNY RABBIT'S SHOW WAS QUITE BLAND...ALTHOUGH SHE'S INFINITELY SEXXXY OR SOMETHING...IT JUST DOESN'T WORK.
MAPEI SMASHED IT THOUGH.
I KINDA HATE MAPEI BY NOW...CAUSE SHE IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN SHE IS...LIKE I THINK SHE COULD REALLY BE DOING SOME MIND BLOWING SHIT, BUT SHE SPENDS HALF HER SHOW SLOPILY FREESTYLING BATTLING GHOSTS...SNORE...WHEN SHE DID ACTUAL TRACKS AND LYRIC IT WAS DUPPY SEASON!! MURDER!! SO FUCKING HOTT...SHE NEEDS A FUCKING PEP TALK OR SOMETHING!!
ON THE UPSIDE...SHE WAS IN AN ELECTRIC BLUE SKINTIGHT ONEPIECE BODYSUIT THING...AND HAS A GREAT BODY...PLUS SHE HAS TWO VOGUEING BACKUP DANCERS AND A GAY HYPEMAN WHO CALLS HER A TWO DOLLAR HOE...AND YOU CAN'T BEAT THAT WITH A CRICKET BAT! HE WAS FUCKING GREAT...HE SHOULD DO A TRACK ON THE SHOW!!! JUST A SUGGESTION

I AM INTRIGUED BY BLACK CRACKER FROM BUNNY RABBIT...I WOULD SAY DRAWN IF I DIDN'T FEAR A PUNCH IN THE FACE...HER TONE AND MANNERISMS



THUG HUGS AND FIST KISSES
SPOEK*JUSTMARRIED*MATHAMBO

I LEAVE YOU WITH THE KING YELLOW

YOU`LL FIND US COVERED IN MUD

YOU KNOW THE CLUB DADDY DADDY MARKUS LAN WORMSTORM LORD JACK OF KINGS THE OTHER HALF OF SWEAT.X AND ALL ROUND DEVIANT, WELL HE`S GOT SOME NEW SCHITT TO BLOW YOUR WIG BACK.

CHECK HIS NEW GAMEBOY GAMEGIRL REMIX AND HIS TRACK WITH CHI CHI SICKENING

ROYAL RUMBLE 4: OTTO VON SCHIRACH

I MET MY NEW HERO LAST NIGHT.
OTTO VON SCHIRACH.
IN MERSAILLE.
TOUGH AS NAILS, COOL AS FUCK.

OTTO IS BETTER THAN YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS
OTTO IS WIERDER THAN YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS
AND NOW OTTO IS STRONGER THAN YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS

SOMEONE ASKED HIM HOW HE HAD GOTTEN SO HENCH..;LIKE IF HE`S PUMPING WEIGHTS OR SOMETHING AND HE`S LIKE, `NAH, JUST DOING DICK PUSHUPS MAN...JUST BONING LOADS`.
MY FRIEND SIMON LOOKS AT HIS COVER EARLIER AND GOES...`DO YOU THINK HIS MOTHER`S PROUD OF HIM?`

THIS IS HIM FUCKING PRINCE`S WHEN DOVES CRY.

AZANIAN DISKO 3000!!

GAZELLE'S NEW VIDEO!

IT'S FUCKING RETARDED THAT I HAVEN'T POSTED ABOUT HIM BEFORE.
HE'S LIKE OUR TOTAL HOMEBOY ON THE SCENE IN SOUTH AFRIKA!!!



FUCK A ROYAL RUMBLE...HOMEBOY SNATCHED THE BELT!!
HE'S BEEN SUCH A GOOD HOMEY AND INSPIRATION AND HOPEFULLY WE GONNA GET TO DO BIG THINGS TOGETHER!!

MISS SUNDAY

GRIZZLE!!

I'M SITTING HERE LIKE DORKUS MAXIMUS
IN THE HOTEL LOBY

I NOTICE A GANG OF DISTINCTLY GROSS GERMANSQUE MIDDLE AGE GUYS HANGING OUT AT THE BAR ENTERTAINING THE RECEPTION LADY WITH THE WOODEN LEG...WITH A PLETHORA OF GERMAN CRUDITIES I IMAGINE...

IN ROLLS 20 HOOKERS. SCREAMING AND LAUGHING. BRIGHTLY DECKED OUT IN ALL KINDS OF DOLCES AND FENDIS AND ARMANIS.

THE LADY WITH THE WOODEN LEG SENSES THAT ALL IS NOT RIGHT WITH THE LADIES THAT JUST WALKED THROUGH THE DOOR. SHE CAN SMELL A WHORE FROM A MILE AWAY.

SHE PROCEDES TO TRY KICK OUT THE 20 HOOKERS...SOME SCURRY FOR THE ELEVATOR...OTHERS HIT THE STAIRS.

THE WHORES WANT IN!

WOODEN LEG RECEPTIONIST STARTS HURLING RACIAL SLURS AND OBSCENITIES...THAT I GATHER BECAUSE THE DARKER OR THE HOOKERS STARTING SCREAMING "RACIST" AND THROWING SCHITT {{MOSTLY TOWN MAPS AND HOTEL PAMPHLETS}} ALL OVER THE LOBY.

SHIT GETS DEEP IN THE LOBBY
AT 4 IN THE MORNING

NOBODY GOT LAID DOWN.

NEW JUSTICE VIDEO
HOW FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE IS THIS SCHITT.
WISH I VDOE\D THIS HOOKER SITUATION...THIS IS SOME SHIT THAT'LL HAVE ME ON PERMANENT STAKEOUT...{STEAKOUT}?

justice stress (official video)
by 75_prod

CHAIRMAN OF THE BORED!!!!

TOUR VANS ARE SOMBRE VESSELS

so you need friends.

I HAVE IGGY POP WITH ME

HE'S A FUNNY FRIEND

I'M PRETTY FUCKING BORED.

NAIJA DAY!!!!!

IT'S GONNA BE NAIJA DAY ON THE BLOG FOR A BIT I THINK...AS THE RABBIT HOLE JUST KEEPS GETTING DEEPER...

CRANK THAT NAIJA BOY!! THE BATTLE IS ON!
ACCORDING TO MY ASSISTANT REVIEWER JADE AKA FANCY COCO, THIS ONE IS CLEARLY SUPERIOR, FOR THE LEVEL OF CRANKING AND THE GARMS INVOLVED!!



THE COPY CAT SCHITT IS NOT ON PAR, DESPITE SHOWING THEM TO BE INTERNATIONAL YOUTUBE HUSTLAZ!!

ROYAL RUMBLE 3: MAPEI

I WOULD NEVER HIT A GIRL. EVEN IF SHE RAPS LIKE MAPEI...WELL NOT IN THE FACE.



VIDEO VIXENS (ZSHARE)

DATE RAPE(ZSHARE)

BELLY RMX(ZSHARE)

THIS WOULD BE A TOUGH CONTEST...BECAUSE SHE'S JUST TOO FUCKING GOOD, CHARMING, SEXY AND FUNNY...AND EVEN TYPING THIS I HAVE LIKKLE GAY BUTTERFLIES AND HEARTS FLUTTERING AROUND MY HEAD. I WAS INTO MANNING HER BEFORE I WATCHED HOUSE OF DOLLS...AND THOUGHT SHE REALLY LOOKED LIEK THE GIRL IN THE FOTO ABOVE.

SINCE THEN I FOUND OUT SHE FREESTYLES ALL HER SHIT (ACTUALLY IS SOME KIND OF FRESSTYLE CHAMPION...HAHAHA); IS INCREDIBLE ON STAGE; ONCE SANG ON A TALIB KWELI SONG (I GAGGED ON PUKE); SHE JUST DID A SONG WITH GHOSTFACE...WELL IT'S A REMIX OR SOMETHING...BUT STILL!!!



FROM A DISTANCE I SHALL PERVE...MAYBE IF I CONCENTARTE HARD ENOUGH SHE'LL HEAR ME....OOOOH LALA...I JUST REALISED, I'MNA BE IN STOCKHOLM MID MAY...AND MAYBE, JUST MAYBE I'MNA SEE HER...SCHITT ACTUALLY HER BOYFRIEND IS PLAYING THE SAME PARTY...HMMMM.
ANYWAYS...I DIGRESS.

THIS IS THE COVER OF THE SINGLE SHE DROPPED...A LONG WHILE BACK...I EAGERLY AWAIT SOMETHING NEW...WELL SHE HAS NEW SONGS ON HER MYSPACE, BUT I AM NOT ALL TOO MOIST.



THE VIDEO FOR VIDEO VIXENS


WITH SPANK ROCK...MY CUP OF ENVY BOILS OVER!

SHUTUP AND DANCE!! SERIOUS!!

IN THE IMMORTAL WORDS OF MONTLE MOOROSI,
"I'M A GRIME GUY BUT I CAN GET FUNKY!!"

THIS POST ABOUT JME HAD TO GO UP BECAUSE:

A) HE IS NIGERIAN (AND IN MY HEAD IT'S NIGERIA DAY...I WORE GREEN AND WHITE AND PLAYED ALL THE KUTI FAMILY TREE RECORDS...PLUS STOLE SOME LYRICS FROM AFRIKANBOY)

B) THIS IS A CERTIFIED BANGER...PAST GRIME AND GARAGE...IT'S JUST MURDER!!

C) I HATED ON HIM FOR SO LONG AND NOW AM EATING MY WORDS, HE'S A RAP MONSTER...HE PRODUCES, RAPS, HAS A BIG GUY TSHIRT LINE AND HAS LIKE 2MILLION VIEWS ON MYSPACE...MOSTLY FROM SCANTILY CLAD VIXENS. HE SHOULD BE AWARDED A SMALL PROVINCE!!

THIS TRACK IS BY PLASTICMAN AND JME...NO NOT THAT PLASTICMAN...THE OTHER PLASTICMAN , THE PLASTICIAN, LONDON BADMAN SOUNDBOUY (HE'S GOT A SHOW ON RINSE FM ON ONDAYS 11PM GTM)!! HE'S GOOD SO I DON'T EVEN MIND THAT HE CATTED THE NAME.


JME+PLASTICMAN_SHUTUP AND DANCE

MARKUS HEART BERLIN//SPOEK HATE BERLIN

TO BE BANG HONEST WITH YOU:
FUCK BERLIN. I HATE IT.
IT'S CHEAP...WHICH IS NICE...BUT I FUKKKING HATE IT.

THE REASONS ARE APLENTY. TRUST.
BUT MOSTLY I THINK I RESENT THE HYPE WITH WHICH IT WAS SOLD TO ME. LIBERAL CHEAP HIP CITY FELT AWFULLY STALE AND STIFF...AND DARK. YUK. BUT PEOPLE SAY IT'S BECAUSE OF THE WINTER. FUCK THAT. I REPEAT FUCK THAT. I HAD A SNORE. AND A ROW.

MARKUS ON THE OTHER HAND LOVES IT.

HERE ARE SOME PICTURES OF ONE OF MY WORST NIGHTS IN BERLIN. ENJOY.


OUT OF ALL THINGS BERLIN THOUGH...I DO LOVE ME SOME JAKE THE RAPPER!! THE BEST MAN IN THE WORLD!!!


AND SOME SICK GIRLS

TOO BLACK TOO STRONG ( OR NONE OF THE ABOVE)

OH GOD.
IT'S A FUNNY SEASON.
I AM IN FRANCE FOR THE NEXT MONTH WITH MY FRIEND SIBOT, EATING TOO MUCH CANDY AND MAKING AN ASS OF MYSELF SPEAKING BROKEN ZULU-ENGLISH-PIGLATIN-FRENCH.

I CAME BACK TO SOUTH AFRIKA FOR ONE SHOW...AND THE FUNNIEST THING HAPPENED.
I AM AS MISUNDERSTOOD OUT HERE AS I AM OVER THERE. I AM EVER INCOMPITENT.
I AM MISTUNDERSTOOD TO COMIC PROPORTIONS NOW.

MY CONVERSATION YESTERDAY WITH JOHANNESBURG SOTHO KID WHERE I COME OFF AS ULTRA BAFOON GOES:

"HOLA NTHATO"
"HOLA BOSS"
"WAT SE?"
"NO, KIBLIND...WENA, USHARPU?"
"JA, KISHARPU, WENA? UBLINDI?"
"INGI?!?!?!"
"KIRI UBLINDI, NA?"
"HHE NTHATO, WENA UDOMU...KIMANG OBUWANG' JWALO?!? UNAKGANA KISIBOT, NE??"

IN THE SPIRIT OF TRYING TO MAKE MYSELF MORE SOUTH AFRICAN AND NOT SUCH A WESTWORLD BRAINWASHED HOMELESS CULTURELESS CULTURE FREAK, I HAVE BEEN FORCING MYSELF INTO KISSING MORE KWAITO...WELL NOT KISSING IT, BECAUSE I'VE GROWN UP ON IT STANDARD, BUT EMBRACING THE ILL BITS THAT MUCH MORE.

DURBANITE KWAITO BURN!! THIS IS SOMEWHAT OF A RECENT PHENOMINON I GATHER...NO LONGER ARE KWAITO DUDES STRICTLY SOWETO OR THEMBISA DUDES...THE PROVINCES ARE BRINGING FIRE AND DURBAN IS FIRST INNA RACE!!

MY FIRST CHOICE IS LVOVO DERANGO...THIS FAT MAN IS STRAIGHT MURDER 'PON LYRIC AND HAS A SUPERSTAR LIVE SHOW AS WELL...STRAIGHT NECKLIN!! I DIG HIM BECAUSE HE'S APPROACHING KWAITO LIKE A RAPPER...HE'S MAD FUNNY, AND HIS VERSES DEVELOP...BUT NEVER TOO COMPLEX...THE KID IS NICE!!!



WOZA EDURBAN...WHICH TRANSLATES DIRECTLY TO, "COME TO DURBAN!!"

JAAGS

FIRST I KISS DECIDA FOR PUTTING ME ON! I PRESENT TO YOU FRITZ HELDER & THE PHANTOMS.

DISCOBALL FACES. WOW. WOW. GASP.

IN PITCH PERFECT DISCOBOT FASHION...MY MANMACHINE DRESSED IN EXTRAVAGANT PURPLE VELVETS NARRATES "PULL UP IN A RIDE WHERE THE PEOPLE ARE WAITING, BYPASS THE LINE AND EVERYONE IS HATE-TING!!!"

HAHAHAHAHAHA...OOOOH. BITCHY. SO BITCHY. SHEER. QUEER. BRILLIANT.

Fritz Helder & the Phantoms - Making A Scene


I USUALLY WON'T TOLERATE PRINCESS SUPERSTAR...BUT THIS KILLED ME ON DANCEFLOORS CONSISTENTLY FOR THE LAST BUNCH OF MONTHS...HAD ME LITERALLY SCREAMING LIKE A LIKKLE BITCH WHEN IT CAME ON!!

ROYAL RUMBLE 2: CEREBRAL VORTEX

INSANE SWAGGER!! CRAZY SWAGGER! CEREBRAL VORTEX APPROCHES THE RING WITH GARGANTUAN SWAGGER! THE OTHER GUYS THINK A COUPLE RHYMES ABOUT THEIR THROWBACK BIKE COLLECTIONS AND SNEAKERS WILL CUT IT. UNFORTUNATELY THEY WILL NOT. THAT'S WHAT'S MURDERING ME ABOUT DUDE...HE'S SO THOROUGH, GOT CONTENT FOR DAAAAAAAAAAAYS!!



GTO(CEREBRAL VORTEX+DJ RAZIEK)
DEEP FRIED(CEREBRAL VORTEX+DJ RAZIEK)

DOING IT(CEREBRAL VORTEX+DRE DEY)

THIS ONE'S KINDA EASY BAIT! THIS DUDE IS KINGING SCHITT IN TWO THOUSAND AND HATE!! I HATE MOST RAPPERS CAUSE THEIR BETTER THAN ME...AND TEND TO FALL FOR ODD BALLS...BUT HERE'S A RAPPER WHO IS MILES BETTER AND I HAVE A REAL JONZIN TO HEAR!!

HE'S KILLING ON ALL SORTS OF LEVELS AS PART OF 215 THE FRESTHEST KID$ (215TFK); HIS MIXTAPE PROJECT WITH RAZIEK...AND THE MAD SCHITT HE'S ABOUT TO DROP WITH DRE DEY!!

{{{EXCLUSIVE NEWS:: I'VE BEEN DOING SOME TUNES WITH HIM THAT'LL SEE DAYLIGHT MAD SOON...CRAZY TAG TEAM STYLE}}}



HE'S A GREESEY LYRICIST, HAS HIS MYSPACE PIMPIN GAME RIGHT (where's mine??), ROCKS A FURRY FEDORA; NEVER WIPES HIS FEET ON ANYTHING LESS THAN A MINK RUG; EATS KICKS; AND IS SPITTING MURDER RIGHT NOW!!!

ZURICH: WHERE THE CASH AT??

LALA PICKED US FROM THE AIRPORT.
LALA THREW THE PARTY.
LALA IS A DANCER. A PROMOTER.
LALA IS A MARVEL OF MODERN TECHNOLOGY.
HER PARTY IS CALLED SUPERPUNK'D
HER DANCE CREW IS CALLED WHERE THE CASH AT.

crew members:

lisa aka lovely dollar hoe
germaine aka broke ass hustler
dion aka 50 dirty bucks
jessy aka jhenne$$y
lhaga aka pretty cash money
yeshe aka half price beauty


GRIMEY VOGUEING WITH A BEARD ON

ZURICH SHOW WENT OFF...WAS REALLY MANIC KINDA SHOW...ERM. WHISKEY!!



IN THE SPIRIT OF GOSSIPING BITCHES...WHAT HAS POKED ITS HEAD UP AS A CONSTANT THEME IN OUR EURO TRAVELS ARE THE HEAPS OF RUMOURS OF WHAT THE ED BANGER CREW JUST DID {ALWAYS A COUPLE OF DAYS BEFORE WE WERE THERE}...RANDOM PIECES OF INFO LIKE UFFIE DRUNKEDLY MAKING OUT WITH A JANITOR IN MILAN, MEHDI CHEATING ON HIS WIFE IN SWEDEN, OR FEEDZ LEAVING UFFIE FOR A 17 YEAR OLD IN COPPENHAGEN.

WE NEEDED TO SEE WHAT THE FUSS WAS ABOUT...AND OFF TO THE CLUB FOR THE FEEDZ+UFFIE SHOWWE WENT!


MARKUS TRIED TO GRAB UP ON UFFIE'S BOOBERY.

SGONONDO'S LAIR

JIKA MAJIKA...SOUTH AFRIKAN TV GEM!! THE DOPEST DANCE CONTEST THAT'S BEEN AIRING FOR A COUPLE YEARS NOW...AND SO THE STYLES ON THE SHOW ARE ALWAYS THE NEWEST THINGS POPPING ON ROAD...NO BULLSHIT CHOREOGRAPHY FILTERS. MY FAVOURITE JOINTS ARE THE NOVELTY EPISODES...LIKE GRANNIES BATTLING OR LIKKLE KID PANTSULAS GETTING BUSY!



THE GUY WITH THE MASK IS SGONONDO...HE'S BEEN KILLING THE KWAITO SCENE FOR THE LAST YEAR OR SO...I FIND HIM VERY SCARY...LIKE RAELLY FREAKY CREEPY SCARY...SUPPOSEDLY HE RAN AWAY FROM PRISON...YOU SHOULD HEAR HIS VOICE...URGH...UNBEARABLE...FOR SOME REASON I FEEL BETTER AND SOMEWHAT SAFFER KNOWING HE CAN DANCE LIKE THAT!!

ROYAL RUMBLE 1: GAMEBOY/GAMEGIRL

IF YOU DON'T KNOW ALREADY...PRETEND: GAMEBOY/GAMEGIRL

I HATE TO ADMIT IT BUT THEY MAKE MY NATURE RISE...
IN A WAY AUSTRALIANS SHOULDN'T EVER!!

IF THIS WAS THE ROYAL RUMBLE...MARKUS AND I WOULD BE WARN OUT FROM PRE-SHOW BRAWLING ...THE LIGHTS WOULD DIM...THE SPARKLEY SPARKLES WOULD SPARKLE...AND WITH A WIERD AUSTRALIAN TWANG, EVERYONE WOULD HEAR, "HEEEEY, WHAT'S HAPPENING??!?!"...AND EVERYONE IN THE ARENA WOULD BE FUCKED DUE TO THAT MIAMI HORROR BEAT THAT YOU CAN'T HELP BUT PUMP YOUR BACK TO.

I FIRST HEARD THEM IN A SHITTY BEATEN UP FORD IN DURBAN...RUSHING TO A SHOW. MALCOLM WAS CUSSING US OUT FOR "BEING TOO COOL TO LISTEN TO ANYTHING ELSE"...MALCOM WAS BEING A DICK...WE LOOOOOOOOOOOVE IT. THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES, MALCOLM.

THIS IS THEIR NEW VIDEO:



GET THEIR DEBUT EP GOLDEN GHETTO SEX NOW {{OOH LA LA...IT FEATURES OUR FAVOURITE MUPPETS THE ZOMBIE DISCO SQUAD...I REPEAT, OOH LALA}}!!!